i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
