we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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