If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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