That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
