Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
