We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
