my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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