And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
