its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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