I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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