I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
