i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
