the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
