Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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