i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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