im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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