how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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