i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
