You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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