i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
