guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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