One girl and one boy is just not enough.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
