I wanna bring you to show and tell
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
