To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
