So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
