Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
