So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We left the knife in your bed.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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