i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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