After last night, I could never be a politician.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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