She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
