We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
