I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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