he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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