So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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