Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
