his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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