Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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