I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
