The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
