Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
