Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
