Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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