I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
