Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
