So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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