I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
