he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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