I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
