do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize