When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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