Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
