I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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