the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
