someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is Oprah even human
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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