I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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