TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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