I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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