and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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