I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
