I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
