She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
