...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
