Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
