what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
