I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
