Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
