bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
