After last night, I could never be a politician.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
