We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
