He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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