A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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