that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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