Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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