I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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