Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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