I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
