My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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