Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
