Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
