I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
