We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
