I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
