also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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