Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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